Literary Call Centre

Posted: September 19, 2010 in Uncategorized

 Literary Call Centre

If you like to read a story with beginning, middle, end,
If you want to understand it without going round the bend,
If you want to finish reading with a smile upon your face,
If you want to meet some characters you’d take home to your place,
Press one.

If you like to soak up gossip of celebs like Posh and Becks,
If your reading must be chock-a-block with violence and sex.
If you want pure fantasy, or mystery or crime,
Or if you must read sweet romance and need it all the time,
Press two.

If you like to be bewildered by the stories that you read,
If abstruse is a quality you feel you really need,
If literary excellence is just what you require,
If experimental mayhem is the match that lights your fire,
Press three.

If you’re intellectual, existential, intertextual,
If your interests are spiritual, liturgical or mystical,
If you want to hear of paradise, or afterlife perpetual,
Just hold on, I’ll put you through.

  1. Doctor FTSE says:

    The cruellest touchpad menu I ever came across went something like this.

    “WELCOME to Telephone Samaritans. We are here to help you day and night.
    If you were thinking of putting your head in the gas oven, PRESS 1
    If you have decided to throw yourself out of the window, PRESS 2

  2. jinksy says:

    A Call Centre Dilemma, Possibly…

    Do you have a touch tone phone?
    Please push the star key twice.
    Sorry – what was that you said?
    It wasn’t very nice!
    Madam, it is not my fault
    that BT has a glitch –
    Well, Really! There’s no need for that!
    Please, don’t call me a bitch!!

    • vivinfrance says:

      I love it. It’s those inventions of the Devil that have taught me patience, that and an overdose of The Four Seasons. Not before time, I’ve learned to read a book or write poetry while hanging on.

  3. vivinfrance says:

    🙂 I’m with you there, Elizabeth!

  4. 1sojournal says:

    Because I am new to your calling centre,
    I want you to hear me and always remember:
    I read because of only one fact, to escape
    all these choices in chattering voices
    that come at me as sharp as a knife
    from this abyssmal entity one refers to as life.
    I don’t need any more from your rarified coffer,
    so just put me through, I’ll take anything offered.


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